S E L F L E S S  C A R E: Week 3 of lockdown and my nails have left the chat...🥴 I whined a little but then realised if all I’ve got to worry about during this pandemic is beauty treatments and nail appointments then I’m on the better end of all the shit that’s going on. Grateful for health and laughter 🤍  #StaySafe #HappyNewWeek

S E L F L...

R U F F L E  T H I N G S  U P: My husband said this unfinished fireplace is not a very good spot for my Instagram photos but I told him ‘unfinished fireplace’ is the aesthetics I’m going for. Do y’all think I nailed it? 😩🤣 #StillLovingBeingBlonde #ShesHighMaintenanceThough 👱🏿‍♀️

R U F F L...

B L O N D: Trying to see if blondes have more fun 👱🏿‍♀️

B L O N D:...

C R E A M Y: Everything’s gonna be all white 🤍Ph by @scarlettstvns ...#allwhiteoutfit #andotherstories #whiteonwhite #brumbloggers #caseapp #neutralstyle #monochromefashion #otherstories #tailoredclothing #whiteblazer #boyfriendblazer #topshopstyle

C R E A M...

S M O O T H  O P E R A T O R:  3 weeks post my first laser hair removal treatment @birminghamprivateclinic and my legs are still smooth AF 🙌🏾 I haven’t needed even a quick trim since. ⁣My only regret is why didn’t I go this SOONER?! My first session dispelled a lot of misconceptions I’ve always had about laser treatments. ⁣⁣1. It can definitely be done on dark skin. ⁣2. You can still get your bikini area (full Hollywood 😜) done on your period as long as you are comfortable 🙌🏾👌🏾 ⁣⁣What a weight off my shower routine this has been especially as my regrowth  is normally super quick. Have you ever had laser treatment?  #ad #gifted #laserhairremoval

S M O O T...

E M P T I E S: (SWIPE LEFT) Something different for the feed...🤍Thought it’d be helpful to put together a list of my #empties. There’s always a lot of different products being inboxed, advertised and shown in tutorials. But what are you actually using through and through? These are products I use on the regular and would definitely repurchase because they’re all so good!👌🏾 More empties on my stories (this is limited to 10 unfortunately) and all links to products are on my blog (link in bio). Let me know if you want to see more content like this regularly. What are your empties?? I love to know what everyone’s loving 🥰😍😍 xx .#SelfCareSunday #SkincareEmpties #beautyempties

E M P T I...

P R E T T Y  P L E A T S: Currently lounging, lazying and getting lost in Lego City... how’s your Saturday going? Ph @scarlettstvns ...#beigestyle #brumbloggers #monochromefashion #stayingin #minimalstyle

P R E T T...

T I K  T O K: Having a bit of Friday fun on TikTok with me boy 😂 #fliptheswitch #finallyontiktok #fliptheswitchchallenge

T I K T O...

ABY Prose: Who Will Tell Them

By Posted on 6 Comments 48 views

Look at this fool. Intoxicating my front yard with her cheap perfume. A mere good afternoon is more than her. She only knows how to chew bubblegum and wind her waist. Why must she empty fifteen cans of this nonsense perfume on her body before going out? Or has nobody told her the spray will not lift her breasts which are now almost touching her sandals? I don’t even want her good afternoon. Before you know it, it is me she will be asking if I know anyone who does quick and instant termination. No me oh! I will not be a perpetrator.

Eh hein now! Young girl, fallen breasts, stretch marks, no children to show for it. Do you have a better explanation? 

‘Ma Adeh I salot oh,’.

‘Eh.’ A victim of circumstance.

The latest convert in town. We have all seen her mother. Her visits from the village had become more frequent. The crying. The shouting. The casting. The binding. The rebuking.

We did not need a soothsayer to know that her mother had started worrying about her non-forthcoming Grandmother status. Was it ever going to happen? Why was the cry of irritable children not filling Nchong’s house like it was other houses. 

Nchong held her Good News Bible against her chest and hurried down the road. I am tired of shaking my head at this façade they are putting on. Did she or did she not know? I know for a fact that her husband fathers at least two of the children I’ve seen attending Sunday School. Who’s arguing? That circular nose with the distinctive bulbous beak could only have originated from one seed. But like a sensible woman, I always mind my business. I will not be the one to tell. Let her god reveal it to her. I refuse to help rumours spread.

Ah, ah! Who is this emptying dust on my veranda this afternoon? Where are my glasses? Is that Ngwanah? Small Ngwanah, because he has been to America one or two times and now drives a 3rd hand Carina thinks he can now fly past my house and wash me with dust? Why don’t you personalize the plate at least so we can recognize which one of these debilitated noisy engines that wake people up on this road is yours? People who drive real cars don’t even need to announce themselves. When my son visits, nobody hears.That car of his is so smooth-running and faultless. I’ve even told him that one day he will drive into my room and park by my bed and I will not hear. 

Fosa, Fosa. The way she flings her human hair and those her spindly legs in this wind. How will all the local champions not want her? If it is the Fanta complexion they are after they are fooling themselves. Who does not know her supplier in this town? I have seen family albums. Old pictures. Dating back to her grandfathers, great grandfathers and fore fathers. Not a single one of them is fair-skinned. All of them as dark as pawpaw seeds like myself here. 

What is that smell? Aggie hasn’t learnt to cook yet? I’ve heard people say her kitchen is like a Chemistry lab. She’s always experimenting. Where she learnt to put tomatoes in eru, I’m still to find out. Or crayfish in stew. The way her husband scavenges for food at parties is painful to watch.

Girls who don’t know how to keep their man baffle me. My man knows me. My perky breasts and flouncy bottom are exactly the same as when he met me. All these small small girls cannot try me. Before they say yin, I’ve said yin-yang and then yin again. They want to know how I do it.

Who will tell them?

Who will tell them that once you’ve made a man beg for you, there’s nothing any other woman can make him do.

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Felt like writing today…and I did! Wrote it this afternoon on my lunch break. 

Hope you love.

Love & Light 

Lydie xx

 

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6 Comments
  • Palava Woman
    July 16, 2014

    Hahahaha! Lydie, you’re cracked me up with this one! Yin, yin yang yin!

    • MsAidyl
      July 16, 2014

      hahahaha Pretty, I don’t even know where that came from 🙂

  • Marie
    July 16, 2014

    Very very nice. Couldn’t stop laughing. You are really good at what you do, a very clever piece this is. I just di picture that movie for ma head.

    • MsAidyl
      July 16, 2014

      Thanks Marie for your feedback. It fuels me! lol

  • Scott Mitchell
    July 17, 2014

    Wow, there are no limits to your skills! Very VERY creative writing here. Kept me on my toes!

    • MsAidyl
      July 17, 2014

      I’m very flattered Scott. coming from a talented writer like yourself:) thanks

A lifestyle, skincare, beauty and fashion blog by Lydia Epangue.

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