ABY Discussion: How Long Should You Date A Guy Before Expecting A Proposal?

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I was reading this article yesterday on Bella Naija about Toke Makinwa and her beau Maje Ayida and the PDA in Lagos. The article mentioned the pair have been dating for 11 years. What I found even more intriguing were the comments that ensued:

‘Dating for 11years????????? Key holder things, she wants him by all means for her to hangon, Maje please wife her now, you have been getting free milk for 11years, dont you want the cow?…[sic]’

‘Walahi she tried. Dating a guy for 11year? That’s equivalent as getting married now! And still now, no child(ren), cos the guy would hv stopped using condom now. Not even an engagement ring on that finger? She tried oo. So the guy has been enjoying free food for the past 11yrs??? Like seriously? It still baffles me though. No hard feelings trust me but omotoke, u tried..[sic]’

‘Maje please wife that babe, she has tried…’

How could they have dating for 11 years? Will he ever marry her? Has she not been dropping any hints or what? 

My question is, when does dating become too long? After 7 years, 9 years, 15 years?

What is the average time for two people to be together in a relationship before they  the guy decides to take things further.  Some people in similar situations have become experts at the art of hint-dropping and begged their boyfriends to tie the knot to no avail.

But then again, I’ve seen genuinely happy couples who just don’t believe in matrimony. It’s all a farce to them. For some people, marriage and and all the legal nonentities that come with it ruin and jinx an already happy and joyous union. 

What most girls dread in such situations is a guy who will walk away after 13 years worth of memories, trust, planning, overcoming, laughter, tears, nicknames, arguments…(insert applicable experience) and marry another girl he’s only been with for a year or so. #thunderfire! 

This is defintely not true for everyone. Quite a lot of guys who date a girl for a very long period do not have plans of taking off. It could be one of many things stopping him from taking things to the next level. Financial reasons, marriage phobia (this fear is real y’all), midlife crisis etc.  But if your man starts looking like this

kanye west gif

every time you mention a possible future together, then by all means, do a Usain Bolt.

If 15 years is too long, when is the ideal time for a guy to make that knee drop and pop out that long-awaited diamond? 

Personally, even though I support happy (key word there is HAPPY) couples in their long-term-next-to-infinity relationships, I just prefer to see growth and evolution in any union I get involved in. Even if we are not getting hitched anytime soon, we should at least have future ‘settling’ plans in the works. 

Which umbrella do you fall under? Do you think you can be with someone for as long as a decade without a legally binding contract keeping you together?

Come to think of it, for some people it only takes them a few months to get to know each other, fall head over heels in love with them and next thing you know, they’re tying the knot. Some of our great grand parents dated their partners for decades before tying the knot; some of them never even tie the knot yet they live together till death does them apart. So all this fuss about numbers and wasted years, are girls just being paranoid? Does it really matter if, or more importantly WHEN he puts a ring on it?

Please tell me oh. Let me know when to start giving my man the side-eye…

If this is your face every time you hear, ‘Babes come to bed,’tumblr_mk4p1lVnc71rts1j7o1_400Then there is definitely a problem you haven’t addressed yet. Hopefully this discussion topic isn’t one of them!

Everyone has an opinion, what is yours?

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Love & Light x

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11 Comments
  • Ifeoma
    August 20, 2013

    this is an interesting topic, i love the moving images lol! (don’t know the proper word for them) but they made the article more fun to read.

    I think it depends on a lot of things
    1. it depends on how much the girl loves the guy because he could be going through some things that he wouldn’t want to take into his married life so she can stick with him through that but then there’s also the fear that he will turn around and leave and 11 years is a lot of time wasted building nothing.
    2. it depends on age, if she’s 20 and the guy proposes 8-9 years later, that’s not too bad but if she’s 28 and you wana be waiting anything more than 6 years to propose…. er, ain’t nobody got time! eggs are drying up
    3.it depends on how slow or fast their relationship is moving, they probably didn’t even notice it’s been that long until outside people started mentioning it. 11 years sounds like a long time but it can go in a flash and they know what THEY are going through, they know what THEY have discussed.

    It doesn’t take 11 years to know you want something, it doesn’t even take a year, if you want something you do everything you can to get it and if you put it off, it just means that marriage isn’t your highest priority which is fine, marriage isn’t everybody’s life aim.

    Me personally, I don’t mind staying in a long relationship (maximum 7 years-ish) but I would like to feel that we’re moving forward and not just in the same place for 7 years, if we’re contributing to our future together, making steps then I don’t mind but what I wouldn’t do is stay there for too long like the quote above said: “you have been getting free milk for 11years, don’t you want the cow?” some men relax once they know you’re always going to be there and you’re already behaving like their wife, they see no point in paying for a ring and having a big ole party about it. It’s ok to show him you’re woman enough to be a great wife to him but let him have a taster before the full package.

    • MsAidyl
      August 20, 2013

      Thanks Ifeoma for the well-thought out response. i agree with you totally especially when you pointed out that a 7 year mark is good enough for someone to know if they want to settle or not. Most people, fortunately or unfortunately become so comfortable with each other after being together for a long time so that they don’t see the need for any formalities.
      Lol, that free milk/cow comment is epic. omg, i keeled over with laughter.

    • MsAidyl
      August 20, 2013

      Oh those ‘moving images are called ‘gifs’. btw.
      they brighten up my day lol:)

      • Ifeoma
        August 20, 2013

        oh thanks I think I knew that, it just played hide&seek in my head 🙂

  • ashleenhylton
    August 20, 2013

    Reblogged this on Cookiesz'Jar.

  • hermes 名古屋
    September 6, 2013

    hermes 名古屋

  • 87MadeMe
    September 7, 2013

    If you’ve been together for 7+ years (for example), you’ve pretty much established what each other would like out of the relationship. For those who are “for” marriage, a certain amount of years and no ring will leave a girl itching (if we’re ruling out financial/career reasons). The thinking: “So this man WANTS to get married, but 7+ years later, still nothing” – she’ll start questioning what’s wrong.

    For those who are not “against” marriage, but do not particularly see it as a “necessity” or a “token” of their commitment to each other (sorry a lot of ” ” going on here lol), 7+ years & no marriage proposal won’t really cause itching and worrying.

    My thing is; if you are behaving like a “wife” (whatever that means) and he’s treating you like so, and he’s behaving like a “husband,” Does it matter if you don’t have the ring? What will change? The only reason to get married would be because “That’s what you do” lol. Are women worried that he’ll just runaway? Chances are if you’ve been together (happily) for time, he won’t be going anywhere ring or no ring. Commitment is commitment. And if you are worried he’s gonna runaway – doesn’t sound like good qualities for marriage anyway! Haha.

  • retroreligion
    September 17, 2013

    1st of all i have to say how amazing your blog is and d gifs are fuNny, lol.
    2ndly, 11yrs? Ahhhhh for wat naw, dts js a long ass time. Atink i cn do 5yrs. This post definately speaks to a lot of people out dere. Pls permit me to reblog? 😀 thnks

    http://www.retroreligion.wordpress.com

    • MsAidyl
      September 17, 2013

      Hahaha 11 years is definitely a long ass time even if it’s dating from childhood. Thanks for stopping by Retro fashionista pls feel free to reblog 🙂
      x

      • Yatta
        December 12, 2013

        As it is now time waits for no man and if you believe in marriage i think 5yrs is the ish, for me also cause 7yrs is way too long, it’s like when you are waiting to break a fast @six and its four, that two hrs is like a whole day, thats how 7yrs is like for me.
        Also when you are in your 20’s i suggest you go for 5.
        Growth also is very important in a relationship coz without it, it’s like being in the same place you were when you started dating.

        The milk/cow thng is soooo funny and yet sooo true.
        I’m definitely reposting it.

        http://yattanushkabba.blogspot.com

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